SEX IS NOT ONLY FOR CHILD BEARING

Sex in marriage is not only for child bearing. It is a provision for relationship…it does not stop with child bearing, it does not cease with growth. While the frequency may reduce with old age, it does not really stop “till death do us part.” It may take different forms as couples grow and advance in years; but it remains a permanent means of communion between a man and his wife. Family planning should be used when necessary so as not to break the sexual communion just for the fear of unwanted pregnancy. It should be mutually discussed. Be considerate concerning each other’s needs in your choice of family planning [FP] method. Seek counsel of the relevant resource person in this area if need be.

Le me affirm at this point that your marriage is much more than the sexual intercourse. Without it your marriage is as valid and can fulfill the purpose of God. Marriage is a total and complete in God’s plan, even if there is a deformity in a partner that makes the sexual intercourse difficult or impossible. Accident that may cause a permanent, irreparable damage on the genitals of a partner need not jeopardize their matrimony. You marry a person, not his sexual organ. Such couples need to see the purpose of God in their marriage over and above the enjoyment of sex. Marriage actually can take place and it is as honorable, even when the other partner is sexually unresponsive.

However, this needs to be openly discussed with each other before getting into marital commitment [if any of the partners is aware of such deformity.] If it occurs only after you are joined together in marriage, there is no need looking back. Understand with each other and explore the ways in which your relationship can bring satisfaction despite that. In this case, tactical romance may be useful at least to create a kind of satisfaction for the other partner.

These difficulties are not sufficient reasons for breaking the matrimony. Sex outside that matrimony is still sin [Heb.13:4]. Every sexual expression outside your marriage is a sin and it robs you of a deep walk with God. Barrenness and miscarriages are not tenable reasons for divorce either. Fellowship, companionship, and laboring together to fulfill God’s vision for your lives are still the more authentic goals of marriage.

Other questions of the posture, the process of making love itself will not be dealt with here. The rule is whatever is convenient and comfortable for both of you. Consideration and love for each other is the matter here. No particular style is the sacred one. The relationship is much more the focus than the act itself. Pregnancy does not really prevent sex. It is rather the discomfort the wife undergoes that is consideration. Once the pregnancy gets stable, sex is not a problem.

SEXUAL INTIMACY

Some families are highly conservative on sexual issues; it is treated with utmost modesty and never discussed or mentioned. Some adults who came from such disciplined background sometimes encounters sex –related problems in marriage. This hang up should be discarded in marriage as they may hurt the marriage. Withholding sex from your partner is unbiblical, against God’s design, and plan for sex in marriage. Some grew up with personal discipline and conviction, they grew up chaste and sexually virtuous and this is carried over into their marriage. Even though this is laudable, they should prayerfully loosen- up. Sexual relationship between husband and wife is holy and proper.

Sex is one thing you can share only with each other. Do not expose your husband to unnecessary temptation by withholding it from him. Extra marital sex is sinful; remember your husband is a human being with blood running in his veins. If you do, you are exposing him to sin and may lead him to hell if he does, you will be held accountable to God.

Do not use sex as a weapon against him either no matter how upset you are with him, withholding your body will not solve the problem, it may drive him further away from you and aggravate the problem [1Cor.7:4-5]. The marriage bed is not a place to show propriety either, trying to show him that you are not promiscuous. Having sex with your husband is not promiscuous, be free and be yourself.

Your body belongs to him and his body belongs to you make conscious effort not to wear yourself out during the day, be mentally and physically prepared for your husband. In some cases, the husband sexually neglects the wife; his lack of interest may be due to many reasons, which could be physical, mental, or emotional. If there is no physical problem hindering him, he may be having deep feelings of failure, disappointments, depression, or hopelessness that needs to be addressed. Prayer can help reveal what the problem is and how to solve it. Do not let negative emotions like resentments, bitterness, self pity and unforgiveness build up in you, keep your self healthy and attractive.

Get special lingerie that you know he will like and get yourself spruced up. Surprise him with a new attitude. Sometimes sexual problems in marriage happen because of sexual experiences before the marriage or in the past. Pray to be set free of those memories no matter what occurred in either of your past.