Sex in marriage is not only for child bearing. It is a provision for relationship…it does not stop with child bearing, it does not cease with growth. While the frequency may reduce with old age, it does not really stop “till death do us part.” It may take different forms as couples grow and advance in years; but it remains a permanent means of communion between a man and his wife. Family planning should be used when necessary so as not to break the sexual communion just for the fear of unwanted pregnancy. It should be mutually discussed. Be considerate concerning each other’s needs in your choice of family planning [FP] method. Seek counsel of the relevant resource person in this area if need be.
Le me affirm at this point that your marriage is much more than the sexual intercourse. Without it your marriage is as valid and can fulfill the purpose of God. Marriage is a total and complete in God’s plan, even if there is a deformity in a partner that makes the sexual intercourse difficult or impossible. Accident that may cause a permanent, irreparable damage on the genitals of a partner need not jeopardize their matrimony. You marry a person, not his sexual organ. Such couples need to see the purpose of God in their marriage over and above the enjoyment of sex. Marriage actually can take place and it is as honorable, even when the other partner is sexually unresponsive.
However, this needs to be openly discussed with each other before getting into marital commitment [if any of the partners is aware of such deformity.] If it occurs only after you are joined together in marriage, there is no need looking back. Understand with each other and explore the ways in which your relationship can bring satisfaction despite that. In this case, tactical romance may be useful at least to create a kind of satisfaction for the other partner.
These difficulties are not sufficient reasons for breaking the matrimony. Sex outside that matrimony is still sin [Heb.13:4]. Every sexual expression outside your marriage is a sin and it robs you of a deep walk with God. Barrenness and miscarriages are not tenable reasons for divorce either. Fellowship, companionship, and laboring together to fulfill God’s vision for your lives are still the more authentic goals of marriage.
Other questions of the posture, the process of making love itself will not be dealt with here. The rule is whatever is convenient and comfortable for both of you. Consideration and love for each other is the matter here. No particular style is the sacred one. The relationship is much more the focus than the act itself. Pregnancy does not really prevent sex. It is rather the discomfort the wife undergoes that is consideration. Once the pregnancy gets stable, sex is not a problem.
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Do you read Savage Love (it's a sex column)? The writer, Dan Savage, has devoted a number of columns to talking about how important it is to keep sex up in a relationship, and to seek sexually compatible partners and be open when talking to them about sexual expectations.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I totally agree with you on this.
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